Post by special on Mar 6, 2011 6:13:39 GMT -5
The Knights of the round table rode around trying to fulfill the quest given to them by God. They pages would bang the coconut shells steadily and swift and the Knight would rest quickly if resting at all.
One day they saw a huge and fortified castle (a little one would do too) on the top of a hill. They advanced quite close to the castle and the pages announced their presence by giving a brief fanfare.
A man appeared on the battlements and a Knight addressed him.
Knight #1: Hello.
The Taunter: 'Allo. Whoo is eet?
Knight #1: I am a Knight of the Round Table and these are my fellow Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?
The Taunter: This is the castle of of my master, Guy de Loimbard.
Knight #1: Please go and tell your master that we have been charged by God
with a sacred quest, and if he will give us food and shelter for this
night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
The Taunter: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. He's
already got one, you see?
Knight #1: What?
Knight #2: He says they've already got one!
[The Knights were stunned.]
Knight #1: Are you sure he's got one?
The Taunter: Oh yes. It's very nice
[The Taunter turns to some others French guards]
The Taunter: [whispering] I told him we already got one.
[They all giggle.]
Knight #1:Well ... can we come up and have a look?
The Taunter: Of course not! You are English pigs.
Knight #1: Well, what are you then?
The Taunter: I'm French. Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king.
Knight #2: What are you doing in England?
The Taunter: Mind your own business.
Knight #1: If you will not show us the Grail we shall storm your castle.
The Taunter: You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms,
son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Knight,
you and your silly English K...kaniggets.
Knight #2: What a strange person.
Knight #1: Now look here, my good man!
The Taunter: I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal,
food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a
hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Knight #2: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
The Taunter: No. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
Knight #1: Now this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonab...
The Taunter: Fetchez la vache!
Guard #1: Quoi?
The Taunter: Fetchez la vache!
Knight #1: Now that is my final offer. If you are not prepared to agree to
my demands I shall be forced to take ... Oh Christ!
[A Flying Cow of Doom comes flying over the battlements, lowing aggressively. The Flying Cow of Doom lands on King Arthurs page Patsy - squashing him completely.]
Knight #3: What a cruel thing to do.
Knight #4: It hadn't even been milked.
Knight #1: Right! Knights! Forward!
[Knight #1 leads a charge toward the castle despite being hit by a variety of farm animals. Suddenly the man next to Knight #1 is squashed by a sheep]
Knight #1: Knights! Run away!
[Midst echoing shouts of "run away" the knights retreat to cover with
the odd cow or goose hitting them still. The knights crouch down under
cover.]
Knight #5: The sods! I'll tear them apart.
Knight #1: No!
Knight #4: I have a plan sir.
[Sounds of extensive carpentry. Then silence... Then suddenly a faintly detectable squeaking which is getting louder and louder.]
[The squeaking gets louder an enormous twenty-foot-high wooden rabbit is
wheeled out of the undergrowth into the open space in front of the
castle. The ENGLISH scuttle back into the undergrowth. The rabbit has
a large red bow tied round it and a rather crudely written label,
which reads "Pour votres amis Francais".]
[The main gate of the castle opens a little and the Chief Taunter's head sticks out,
then another Froggie head, then another. They mutter to each other in
French, look rather pleased, then rush out and start to pull the giant
rabbit in.]
Knight #1: Now what happens?
Knight #4: Well now, I and two of my fellow Knights, wait until nightfall and
then leap out of the rabbit and take the French by surprise, not only
by surprise but totally unarmed!
Knight #1: Who ... Who breaks out?
Knight #4: Er ... We ... him ... me ... and I ... Er ... leap out
of the rabbit and ...
Knight #4: Look, if we were to build a large wooden badger...
Knight #1 cuffs him as he looks up at the battlements. There is a loud
twang. Look of horror. The rabbit comes sailing over the battlements.
Knight #1: Run away
All: Run away! Run away!!!
King Arthur: (to his Page as they run away) It's only a model.
Knight #1: Sssshhh!
The HUGE rabbit lands on the head of the page...
Idle Thoughts, Town, Vanilla, Patsy and page of King Arthur and so on has been smashed by a giant wooden rabbit and will no longer be of any service in the Holy Quest for Scum.
Night will last no less then 36 hours and no more than 60 hours.