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Post by Høøpy Frøød on Oct 22, 2008 6:57:02 GMT -5
My girlfriend has a story about Amaretto.
She will never drink that stuff again. And it has nothing to do with imbibing too much. It has to do with a revenge plot against someone else hatched by one of her best friends in college long before we started dating. (I met her in Chicago.)
First of all a bit of history between her and her friend.
Freshman year at Connecticut College she was working the mail room of a dorm when one of the residents of the dorm comes down with a bag of dirty laundry clad in a wife-beater and some shorts. He tosses the bag down and says "Who here will wash these for me?"
My girlfriend points to the common room and says that someone in there probably would.
So the guy takes up his laundry and goes in...to find the room full of women...who all belong to what was called FemMaj...AKA The Feminist Majority of Connecticut College.
Now this guy was friends with the leader of FemMaj, and so when the leader asked if he was there to join FemMaj, he says something along the lines of "I'll get back to you."
He picks up his laundry bag, goes back to my girlfriend, points an accusing finger at her and says "You tried to kill me!" They were good friends ever since. (She still refers to him as her "Nemesis". They have vowed that when they are old they will duel to the death becuase they'd rather die in glorious combat than fade away due to old age.)
Flash forward a bit. There's this guy who sort of ran in their social circle. He really wasn't friends of anyone they were close to because he was a downright tosser. A complete wanker. A tool of the highest degree. He was the type of guy who would bring alcohol to a party someone was hosting, and then take back whatever was left over of what he had brought rather than leaving the bottle behind. Now that's not really bad in of itself. Especially if the hosts were okay with it, but he never asked and didn't seem to care to find out what the social norms of the social scene at that school was. It was a quirk that was just the tip of his wankosity.
See, the real problem with this guy was that he liked to get women drunk. Really drunk. To the point where they were almost passing out, and then take advantage of them. Often times to the point where it could legally be considered rape. Frequently the women wouldn't remember what happened, or wouldn't be able to prove anything. He did this to a good friend of Andy (my girlfriend's friend) and he and another guy who was also friends of the woman who the wanker took advantage of decided to get back at him. See the guy left a bottle of Amaretto behind at a party once. And knowing this guy's proclivity to take all his alcohol back. They "denatured" it, so to speak. My girlfriend happened to walk in at some point and saw the bottle and said "Is that [wanker guy's] Amaretto?" Andy and the other guy confirmed it was. My girlfriend decided she'd drink the rest of his Amaretto just to tick him off when he came back for it. As she reaches for the bottle, Andy leaps across the room and shouts "Nooooooooo!" as he deftly snatches the bottle from my girlfriend's hand.
"What?" inquires my girlfriend.
"Take a good look at that bottle. Do you see something in there that shouldn't be?" says Andy.
Looking closer my girlfriend notices it. She goes to Andy and says "You didn't!"
Andy says "I did...and so did he," pointing at the other friend.
My girlfriend sets the bottle back down, thoroughly grossed-out at this point.
The upshot is that, yes, wanker-guy came back for it. No, they don't think he ever noticed the semen in the Amaretto. To this day, my girlfriend won't touch the stuff (Amaretto, that is).
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Total Ullz
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Post by Total Ullz on Oct 22, 2008 11:07:13 GMT -5
The upshot is that, yes, wanker-guy came back for it. No, they don't think he ever noticed the semen in the Amaretto. To this day, my girlfriend won't touch the stuff (Amaretto, that is). I know I'm not in this game - but can I please say: *applause for the story and for ANDY and his mate*
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Santo Rugger
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Post by Santo Rugger on Oct 22, 2008 11:51:43 GMT -5
We need more stories like that! Have you guys ever heard my "Cows Have Balls?" story?
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Santo Rugger
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Post by Santo Rugger on Oct 22, 2008 11:52:33 GMT -5
How much time do we have?
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Post by storyteller0910 on Oct 22, 2008 11:57:09 GMT -5
How much time do we have? NIGHT ENDS TOMORROW AT NOON EST, OR IN 23 HOURS, UNLESS WE'VE RECEIVED ALL NIGHT ACTIONS BEFORE THEN, IN WHICH CASE WE MAY END THE NIGHT EARLY JUST FOR KICKS. UATU IS NOT EXACTLY COUNTING ON IT, THOUGH, AS NIGHT ACTIONS HAVEN'T EXACTLY BEEN POURING INTO UATU'S INBOX, IF YOU CATCH UATU'S DRIFT.
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Santo Rugger
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Post by Santo Rugger on Oct 22, 2008 13:58:36 GMT -5
story, does it bother you that UATU types in all caps?
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Post by storyteller0910 on Oct 22, 2008 14:09:23 GMT -5
Yeah, that guy's a pig fucker.
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Post by Pleonast on Oct 22, 2008 15:03:56 GMT -5
I'd think story would be more concerned that this UATU seems to have hacked his account here.
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Post by Zeriel on Oct 22, 2008 15:04:49 GMT -5
*catches Uatu's drift from beyond the grave, then throws it back.*
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Santo Rugger
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Post by Santo Rugger on Oct 22, 2008 15:25:46 GMT -5
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Post by Høøpy Frøød on Oct 22, 2008 17:48:28 GMT -5
We need more stories like that! Have you guys ever heard my "Cows Have Balls?" story? I haven't.
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Gir!
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Post by Gir! on Oct 22, 2008 17:51:17 GMT -5
Are they flying cows?
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Post by Gir! on Oct 22, 2008 20:40:36 GMT -5
Wow. I killed the Night.
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Post by peekercpa on Oct 22, 2008 21:02:03 GMT -5
We need more stories like that! Have you guys ever heard my "Cows Have Balls?" story? Does this have something to do with FCOD?
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Post by peekercpa on Oct 22, 2008 21:09:31 GMT -5
Neta. Curses Kat you beat me by at least one lap.
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Santo Rugger
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Post by Santo Rugger on Oct 22, 2008 21:22:10 GMT -5
Okay, here's an oldie but goody. I wrote it in the summer of 2006.
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Santo Rugger
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Post by Santo Rugger on Oct 22, 2008 21:22:23 GMT -5
Well, it started off like any other rugby weekend. The bus was supposed to leave at 3, so I showed up at around 3:30, just in time. Friday was pretty tame, everybody on the bus had about 6 or so beers on the way up to Breckenridge. We were careful to buy enough beer so we didn't have to buy 3.2 beer on Sunday. We got in pretty late, so just had a few more beers and crashed out. The rugby was just like any other rugby weekend. We picked up some guys from NMT and UNM to fill out our side, which helped out a lot.
After going 1-2, the fun began!!! The party was hosted at a bar which had a special event permit to serve in their parking lot. Luckily, the only barrier was some yellow "CAUTION" tape, so our underage guys didn't have any trouble getting in.
So we get to the party, and we hear there's going to be a Rocky Mountain Oyster eating contest. Immediately, the entire team looks at me. I was all about the idea, but didn't want to do it for naught. It was then announced that the prize was going to be a 4 foot tall, 6 foot long steel bull, complete with a pipe for a penis and two rugby balls for testicles. I WAS IN! Well, I'd had RMOs before, but they were served as an appetizer, battered, fried, and served with ranch dressing. These ones were boiled, and you could definitely distinguish the separate parts of anatomy, of which I will not go into detail. Ok, no big deal, right? Well, the thing is, they don't taste like anything, and they don't spell badly. The problem is the texture. It's very similar to elastic rubber surgical tubing, yet only slightly more tender. At the opening whistle, I began chomping. Turns out, you can't swallow that stuff whole. Dry heave number one. Then, I thought, "Hmm, I can just tear off little pieces, and swallow a few of those at a time." That didn't work, either. Well, at least I got third place. The final 2 guys went into overtime, where I went to the edge and puked up about 1/4 lb. of bull balls. And some other stuff I wished I hadn't puked.
So, the party wears on, and the prize is awarded to some dude from Jackson Hole, WY, who seemed to be enjoying the event way too much. I guess those guys didn't value the trophy very much, because they left it all alone during the boat races. Which Santa Fe won, by the way! So Simons and Gabe had the bright idea that we should take the bull. Woo whoop, vindication! So we waited for the boat race final, when all the attention was at the other end of the bar. Two of us gently lowered the bull over the fence, and two of us got it at the bottom. Then we moved it about 50 meters behind a van, and went back to the party. When we realized we weren't spotted, we walked back to the van and carried the bull across the street. Let me tell you, carrying a bull with rugby balls as nuts across Main Street in downtown Breck is a pretty funny sight! I found a nice little niche behind a building and stashed the bull for later recovery.
It came time to hop bars, and I realized DP was too drunk to make it on his own. So I babysat him while on our way to the next pub. As I handed the bouncer my ID, he just shook his head, "your buddy's not getting in here." So I ended up walking him, very slowly I might add, back to the room. After stopping numerous times for directions (I was pretty wasted, too), we made it to the intersection we were looking for. Pablo announced he was hungry, so he went into the store and set 2 pizzas up on the counter. Then he just stares at me blankly, "I can't find my money, dude." Since this wasn't the first time this happened that night, I bought the pizzas and started back to the condo. Somehow, I dont' know how, he got lost between the condo and... Well, the condo. I spent damn near 15 minutes looking for him, and finally found him on a balcony to a completely different complex.
So, back to the bull. At about 3 in the morning, we figured the time was ripe to go back for the bull. Trueblood announced he was the most sober, so he'd be doing the driving. All was well; we got dropped off on the opposite side of the street from the bar, went across the field, and got the bull. After carrying it across yet another street in downtown Breck, we waited for the bus to make its circle. Well, when the bus got back, we couldn't get the doors open!!! After messing with them for at least two minutes, we finally got them open. Now that the bull was loaded, one of the guys asked if we could take him to his condo. On the way, we met a guy who was hitchhiking. We picked him up, and he invited us in for shots. As soon as we got there, he tried to impress us with his drums, which promptly woke up his roommate. So while he went into her room to talk about it, we promptly left. He came out, pretty upset, because a coyote or something' had scattered his trash everywhere.
The rest of the night was pretty average, other than some occasional sleepwalking. When we woke up in the morning, stealing the bull didn't seem like such a good idea, after all. Since it was already in the bus, we found a busy street corner to drop it off at, since we wouldn't have had room for it on the way home. I left my email address on it to see if anything exciting happened to it. Well, turns out, I didn't have to wait to check my mail. When we were watching the final between Vail and Aspen, we heard some whooping and hollering. Turns out, one of the Breckenridge guys saw it, picked it up, and brought it back to the pitch. Stay tuned for more pics and any updates on the story...
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Santo Rugger
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Post by Santo Rugger on Oct 22, 2008 21:33:39 GMT -5
www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2001557&l=1783c&id=110000200There's the pics. Pay special attention to my horrible form when lifting (it was the first time the guy was jumping, I didn't want to get kicked in the nuts), the look on my face right before the RMO contest began, the aftermath of the contest, the genitalia of the cow, and the leaving it on the street corner the next morning. Also, it's hard to see it at the quality of that pic, but if you look close at the boat race pic, you can see the foam coming out of the cup suspended in midair. Pretty sweet.
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Gir!
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Post by Gir! on Oct 22, 2008 21:47:46 GMT -5
Neta. Curses Kat you beat me by at least one lap. I did that on purpose. Because, you know, I'm evil. And stuff.
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Santo Rugger
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Post by Santo Rugger on Oct 22, 2008 22:05:18 GMT -5
I think I get credit for killing the Night... with my magic bag and all...
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Post by bufftabby on Oct 22, 2008 22:20:40 GMT -5
Heh. Rugger eats balls.
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Santo Rugger
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Post by Santo Rugger on Oct 22, 2008 22:34:22 GMT -5
Yeah, and did you SEE the picture of the plate, and how many there were?!
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Post by bufftabby on Oct 22, 2008 22:56:29 GMT -5
Indeed, and I also saw that look on your face you called attention to. You loved that shit. You'd eat balls with any mere shadow of an excuse. But that bull was pretty fantastic.
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Santo Rugger
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Post by Santo Rugger on Oct 22, 2008 23:26:30 GMT -5
Fried! But not boiled. It's the texture, man... the texture.
And it was a cow, silly. That's why I was so surprised it had a foot long dick 2.5" in diameter and nuts the size of rugby balls.
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Post by bufftabby on Oct 22, 2008 23:54:14 GMT -5
Kinda like FCoD?
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Post by Høøpy Frøød on Oct 23, 2008 6:26:01 GMT -5
There's a local pub by me that is credited with having the first turkey testicle festival in the nation. Every year on the Thursday preceding Thanksgiving the festival occurs. They're battered and deep fried. Only about a third of the attendees try the fried balls. There is assorted other fare as well.
I've never acually gone, but one of these years I'll go. Even if I'm in the City by then. I don't think I'll partake should I go. I'm fairly adventerous when it comes to trying new foods, but insects and testicles are things that really don't hold any appeal for me.
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Post by The Real FCOD on Oct 23, 2008 9:05:22 GMT -5
I am officially not going to comment on this Night's discussion. --FCOD
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Post by storyteller0910 on Oct 23, 2008 9:05:42 GMT -5
By way of reminder, this Night ends in two hours. If you have not submitted a Night action, it's probably time to do so.
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Santo Rugger
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Post by Santo Rugger on Oct 23, 2008 9:10:34 GMT -5
I am officially not going to comment on this Night's discussion. --FCOD Isn't that what you said last Night, too? Getting soft on me, my man.
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Post by The Real FCOD on Oct 23, 2008 9:12:13 GMT -5
Heh...you people are WAYYYY out of my league. ;D --FCOD
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